A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i came on her dog
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
