We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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