when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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