im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize