found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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