You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
