my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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