I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
