As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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