sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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