I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We need to get me chipped asap
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize