im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
