I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
