Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
