i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
