Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
