He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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