Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
