I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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