I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
