angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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