You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
