I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
