Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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