I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
