Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
