I heard we made out
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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