yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
