i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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