I just threw up on my dentist
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
