Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
