hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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