Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
