I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
