is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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