I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
