I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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