Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
