just tell him i said nine months
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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