his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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