the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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