i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
