I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
