i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
