She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
