Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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