Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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