he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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