and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
