Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
