Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize