she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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