Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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