If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
