Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
