He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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