I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
