How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
