I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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