It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
