This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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