She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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