I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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