So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
