I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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