im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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