I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You pole danced in your parka.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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