What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
