you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
