Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
