oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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