I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
