"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
