thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
