He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
